Fear

I (erica) tend to think of myself as pretty reasonable human being. I wear my seatbelt and eat healthy foods and go to the dentist. I avoid large snakes, dark alleys, and jumping out of airplanes.

There's one thing that scares me more than anything. It's the completely irrational fear of failure. I've read about some writer's fear of success and how that could hold them back. I'm fine with success - stick me on a couch in front of [insert name of favorite TV host here] any day of the week and I'll get out there and sell my book.

But to not have a book to sell? I'm not putting anyone who self-publishes down here - it's just not for me
 That scares the crap out of me. Many of you know that in my real life, people don't know I write. They don't know about this blog. They think the writing conference I went to last April was a teaching conference and that Christy is a friend of mine from college (yes, we went to the same college. I think even at the same time for a year. no, we did not know each other).


This is how scared I am. That all my work and time and effort and research will accomplish nothing. That I've ignored my kids and my dogs and my husband and my house (yes, my kids and husband know that I write. trust me, this makes me very nervous). And that other people will witness my failure - and maybe even expect it. It's crippling me and I've all but shut-down. It's been weeks since I've written anything productive (I have done some revising, but nothing totally new). Days and days go by without me even opening my documents. Which makes me feel like an even worse failure - like I can't even look my characters in the eyes these days.

Have any of you read The Success Principles by Jack Canfield? I bought it several years ago when my life wasn't going in a way I was expecting and I felt overwhelmed. It really helped and I need to get it out again (well, buy a new copy, since I gave mine away).

Basically, the book told me to stop being afraid and make my life go the way it should go. I'm not afraid of whether or not I have the talent to write a book - I know I do. Now I just have to be strong enough to make it happen. And if for some reason it never does, I have to remember that writing and becoming published doesn't define my life - it just makes it better.

How do you feel about the fear of success vs. the fear of failure (or do you scoff at both?). And thanks for listening - maybe now I'll be able to get past this. (after all, they say confession is good for the soul) (click here for another post about writer's whining)

Happy Father's Day all you Dads out there!!