My MCs love interest walked into the cafe she was in the other day (NO! this is not the start of a joke!) and he had a guitar. Well, I was as surprised as she was that he could actually play the guitar he carried. As much as I screamed at him to just strum and NOT to sing, he did it anyways. Now, if he hadn't needed my brain to help him with his words I'm sure they would have been lovely. Unfortunately for him (and the other coffee drinkers in the cafe at the time) he had only me to type up those lyrics for him. Not good. I don't write poetry (well) and I've never written anything musical. (I did play the piano growing up and considered minoring in music in college (performance minor. I played the flute. I chose no. I'm just not that musical. Which contributes to this problem I'm having.)
So I'm posting all of this wondering if any of you ENJOY writing poetry/song lyrics and want to help me with mine? ONLY. You have to promise not to laugh (too loudly) at what I've posted below for you to rip apart or, you know, modify. I wrote it in about 30 seconds. Zero plan. Zero edits. Zero attempts at rhyming. So, have at her.
“Been the one shut out for too long
Been on the outside
The one aching, never making
it to your heart.
Wanna make the strings of your heart
Quiver like leaves in the fall
Like the flames of a fire
Wanna be
Been hoping to help you see
Been hoping you’d know
I’m hoping, never showing
my true heart.
Wanna make the strings of your heart
Quiver like the leaves in the fall
Like the chords on this guitar
Wanna be
Yours
Wanna be
Yours.”
If this is something you'd like to help with...post your ideas in our comments or email me, CHRISTY btw, lynnea.west@gmail.com
merci beaucoup! (i did, however, minor in French.)
“Been the one shut out for too long
ReplyDeleteBeen on the outside trying to be strong
The one aching,
never making
it to your heart.
Wanna make the strings of your heart
Quiver like leaves in the fall
Like the flames of a fire
Wanna take our love higher
Been hoping to help you see
Been hoping you’d know me
I’m hoping,
never showing
my true heart.
Wanna make the strings of your heart
Quiver like the leaves in the fall
Like the chords on this guitar
Wanna be
Yours
Wanna be
Yours.”
Oops, cut off my comments - I'm certainly NOT a song writer, but yours is very good. I "cheesed it up" a little with some rhymes to make it sound more teen-y
ReplyDeleteReally liked the strings of heart/chords of guitar line
Liked the changes in beat, very immediate, very good.
ReplyDeleteIs it too late to change my line from "Like the flames of a fire,Wanna take our love higher" to "Like the flames of a fire, your love makes me perspire"
ReplyDeleteFun lyrics, christy!!
ReplyDeleteAnd Mike, yes, it's far too late. Don't try singing it to your wife tonight, either. :)
Good luck, I'm HORRIBLE at poetry and songwriting! That's awesome that your character just kind of went his own way though. I love it when that happens!
ReplyDeletesorry cant helpeither with the lyrics cos i thot it was good. That said when he starts singing your can have your heroine go to lala land and focus on how the song makes her feel.
ReplyDeletethanks,mike! i think i like the perspire line the best! you've got the rhyming down!
ReplyDeleteCarole Ann, Heather, erica, and Joanna--thanks for commenting! I DO like it when my characters take over...except when it throws me for a loop!
Very good advice, too, Joanna. If he decides to sing more in the future, I'll keep that in mind!!! :0)
christy
Comme tu m'as demande il faut que je te disse que Je n'aime pas trop de Wanna mais les outres mots sont bien ;)
ReplyDeleteCatherine- Merci. J'ai étudié le français il ya longtemps, mais je crois que je comprends la plupart de ce que tu dis!
ReplyDeletehehe...i have no idea if i said that right! :0)
Oh man, I'm not very good at poetry or song lyrics. I used to write poetry and my mom brought some over for me...but those teen angsty days are over, and it might take me a while to find the teen angst in me. That's why I'm 99.9999% sure I'll never have a song in my books. Good luck- I like the way it sounds. Kind of indy- vulnerable type way.
ReplyDeleteHey Christy that was perfect french. Nice one! (I bet mine wasn't - we should do posts in french some time to practise :) )
ReplyDeleteJoanna's idea was good - skip the lyrics and talk about the lyrics, the notes hanging in the air, the rapt silence of the listeners, the poignancy etc etc
ReplyDeleteJust one way around the problem.
Loved Mike's adjusted lyrics though! Definitely has the teen angst thing down pat.
:-)