I recently re-read the beginning of my first completed novel-length ms. Not the first draft - oh, no, that thing has long been deleted (although the long hand version still exists somewhere in the depths of my storage room). It was, um, well, yeah - bad.
And I'm almost positive that it's the version that went out to an agent when I got a partial request on my very first query (on an ms that had been revised and beta-read - yes, I'm a rule follower).
I had the dream. A book that would defy the odds and get published at record pace WITH ONLY ONE QUERY!!!!!
yes, I know. I'm experiencing some embarrassed laughter for me, too.
Here it is. Some stats on my very first - um, well, okayillsayit, bad - first page. Revealing more than the first page might give you a stroke and I can't be held responsible for that. (you know this is erica, right?)
Okay, wait. First I have a couple of awards to give out:
Best dialogue tag ever in a YA novel while the mc is having a temper tantrum: "...my mother replied with a tired voice." (because yes, you'd totally notice that)
Best trait to get someone to want to read your YA romance: mc has a temper tantrum on the first page (but dang it, it was a good one. and totally justified.)
Most -ly words ever used in a sentence that has been revised several times to delete all -ly words: Unfortunately, her face was starting to turn a shade of red she usually saved for unruly clients.
Okay, fine, now for some stats.
Number of -ly words that had been previously edited out but somehow stubbornly remained (crap, there's another one. but stubbornly totally needs to be in that sentence) (crap again) (smile): 7
Amount of times a person growls (I mean, people growl, right??): 1
How many times the 17-year-old mc says something that makes someone else think she's acting like a baby (even though the author was very clever in making the adults either roll their eyes at her, grin at her knowingly, or tell her she's acting like a baby to conceal the truth): 3
My personal favorite - how many times I used the word "I": 11
God, I'm glad I'm not an agent/editor/someonewhoreadscrapforalivingwhilelookingforajewel.
Come on, share 'em in the comments. Any cringe-worthy submissions of your own??
