And I'm almost positive that it's the version that went out to an agent when I got a partial request on my very first query (on an ms that had been revised and beta-read - yes, I'm a rule follower).
I had the dream. A book that would defy the odds and get published at record pace WITH ONLY ONE QUERY!!!!!
yes, I know. I'm experiencing some embarrassed laughter for me, too.
Here it is. Some stats on my very first - um, well, okayillsayit, bad - first page. Revealing more than the first page might give you a stroke and I can't be held responsible for that. (you know this is erica, right?)
Okay, wait. First I have a couple of awards to give out:
Best dialogue tag ever in a YA novel while the mc is having a temper tantrum: "...my mother replied with a tired voice." (because yes, you'd totally notice that)
Best trait to get someone to want to read your YA romance: mc has a temper tantrum on the first page (but dang it, it was a good one. and totally justified.)
Most -ly words ever used in a sentence that has been revised several times to delete all -ly words: Unfortunately, her face was starting to turn a shade of red she usually saved for unruly clients.
How many times the 17-year-old mc says something that makes someone else think she's acting like a baby (even though the author was very clever in making the adults either roll their eyes at her, grin at her knowingly, or tell her she's acting like a baby to conceal the truth): 3
My personal favorite - how many times I used the word "I": 11
God, I'm glad I'm not an agent/editor/someonewhoreadscrapforalivingwhilelookingforajewel.
Come on, share 'em in the comments. Any cringe-worthy submissions of your own??
Very funny!! I feel this way when I look back on things that I thought were close to ready--oh, and weren't. Look how far I've come! Thank goodness for the learning curve. :)
ReplyDeleteI cringe when I looke back on my first queried MS! I'm glad we can pick ourselves back up and learn from our mistakes!
ReplyDeleteHow fun! I loved looking over old things I've written. My first manuscript that I queries swapped POV at will, like every other paragraphs. Really, it did. And the ly's could have choked an elephant!
ReplyDeleteI just burned a bunch of my pages written about 5 years ago. I didn't even want to read them, they were that bad.
ReplyDeleteI STILL have the problem of long, wordy sentences that include multiple redundancies (hmm, that one might qualify). At least I'm starting to recognize them now, and I feel so clever when I can cut them down from 15 words to 10!
Ah, the early years! Those first drafts are so scary. My problem: purple prose! I somehow felt the need to make each sentence a work of art rather than the manuscript as a whole. I mean really, how many metaphors are too many?
ReplyDelete