I'm not asleep, are you?

Have you ever noticed it's when you need the most sleep that you can't?  Usually, in the week(s) before school starts in the fall, when my mind needs to be fresh and my body rested and ready for the new year, sleep eludes me completely.  My brain won't stop going over my endless to-do list.  Maybe if I wrote it all down, rather than keep a running tab on my head's laptop with a turbo-powered battery, I'd be able to power down at night. I'll keep that in mind for this upcoming August.

Tomorrow, I'll be at the hospital with my mom waiting through the hour(s) my dad is in surgery.  And then hours more that he'll be in recovery.  I'll also slip away for a bit to attend a funeral.  I know I'll need to be rested and mentally strong for tomorrow.  But here I am, writing a blog post about how I can't lay (lie?) in my bed any longer thinking while sleep settles on everyone else in the household and skips over me.

My dad had hip replacement surgery a few months ago.  It didn't heal the way he'd expected, and instead got infected.  Tomorrow, they'll open it back up and flush out the infection and he'll start recuperating all over again.  He's a gardener and a walker.  He used to be a runner, but since the arthritis in his hip became unbearably painful, he slowed to walk four miles per day, rather than jogging his daily six.  It's been a rough couple of months for a man who likes to stay moving and independent.  It's been hard for him to watch as my uncles take turns tilling his garden and as I plant the bean seeds and my mom and sons hoe the weeds.

I'm up praying and thinking and my stomach is in sickly knots, knowing he's worried and dreading tomorrow.

And then my brain hops around to all sorts of other thoughts.  Cleaning my house.  Worrying about working full-time and leaving my baby.  Writing.  How I thought I'd have so much time to write this summer, and haven't managed much at all.   Wondering if that one brilliant novel will ever come to me and pour out of my fingertips, on to my laptop, like water from a faucet.  Now, if water really were to cascade over the keys of my computer, I suppose that would be horrendously ill-fated for my novel, since I can't imagine writing it long-hand.

My son just came into the room to tell me about his nightmare about Goo Monsters at the beach and how we ended up with the wrong dog.  The Goo Monsters were shooting at dogs and making them disappear.  The monsters were turning themselves into dogs and could walk through walls and stuff.  I'm not sure what else he mumbled, but I'm assuming we ended up taking a Goo Monster Dog home instead of our Toby.  So, I'm off to cuddle my six-year-old, to rid his dreamy head of goo and monsters.  Hopefully he will share some of his sleep with me.

Nighty night!


  1. Oh, wow. Take care of yourself, too. I suddenly want to say 'Try and get some sleep.' *slapsforehead

  2. My dad had surgery last year - simple knee surgery if you believe that. Glad your dad feels this one will work for him!! And oh my goodness, letting boys dictate your sleep patterns is familiar - we have 5 between us!

    We're cowriting, baby! You need some time for that (as do I)!!!!

  3. Oh, dear, my heart goes out to you. Stress makes mush of our minds and the synapses overfire like nobody's business! Been there so many times. Recovery from hip replacement is no fun, that's for sure (my mom went through it a few years ago), and to have to do it over must feel like a horribly unfair and painful blow. It strikes me that your dad is a very lucky man, though. He's surrounded by loving family that will help him through and make sure his garden is in good shape for him when he's ready for it. You are giving him a wonderful gift. He may not be able to see anything but the dark days ahead right now, but in a couple of months that will hopefully be transformed to cautious optimism. I hope the surgery went well and you got some sleep! :-)

  4. Oh no, family stuff often equals bad dreams. I hope your dad heals quickly. Being injured/ill and having to sit aside is tough thing to do. Here's wishing you sweet dreams.


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