I'm a teacher and I'm not here to complain about my job. That wouldn't be either useful or professional. But, well, yeah, I'm withered right now. There's been misinformation and misinterpretation and a whole lot of crud that I've had to work through.
My actual job of teaching makes me happy. My students and learning and blossoming and making me smile and laugh and feel proud every minute of every day I am with them.
Some of the other stuff? If I really took the time to sit down and think about it, I'd never set foot in a school again.
But I'm not taking that time. I refuse to let it destroy my life and my career (which has always been a huge part of my life - I've wanted to be a teacher since kindergarten). I need to shrug it off and know what I'm doing is meaningful and know that I have made a difference. It isn't easy to do. I've been sharing my story with a coworker and she confided in me today that when I tell her the things that are going on (sorry to be so vague, but I have to be), I physically make her tired.
I feel withered.
Writing is my nourishment, my water, my food, my way to find happiness. My job (which, let me remind you, I love WHILE I'M ABLE TO DO IT) makes me tired and dejected, so writing almost seems a chore at times lately. Querying? Don't get me started.
It's those times I need to remember that no matter what, I am worth it. I make a difference every day. My family loves me. Kids look up to me. I have friends I know I can count on that can also count on me. If I keep writing and working and perservering, I can do this thing. I can.
Feeling withered? We're in this together. Writers are some of the most supportive people I've ever met. We share our successes and support our. . . well, dejections.
So, my success for today? A day I really just wanted to be over? A little boy in my class, who doesn't speak much English, touched my face and said "I love you Etika." (I'm pretty sure he meant Erica). *deep sigh* *happy*
What made you happy today?