12.21.2010

#6 sharing detail vs. information dumping

6th best vs worst thing about being an aspiring writer: 
sharing character description/history vs information dumping




best
using our exceptional creativity and imagination to come up with full, real-to-life characters, incredible, believable histories and family trees for these characters, building an entire world and community for them to live in with family and neighbors and friends and teachers, knowing their every flaw, dream, preference, taste, etc.


and


worst
not being able to include all of that amazingness in the actual novel
because
           it's
            backstory
                   and/or
                      information dumping





how can you keep from dumping information on your reader?
  • show don't tell (use dialogue, less is usually more-meaning fewer words=better writing, say what you really mean to say-don't write around it trying to be all writerly and impressive)
  • only "share" information that moves the plot along or is vital to the reader's knowledge and understanding of the story
  • visit links that have great advice on this particular downfall (almost) all writers face:
    • visit julie musil's blog (our newest follower!) she recently posted on how to avoid information dumps. go here
    • Inkspot (authors of crime novels) have a short post on avoiding information dumping here
    • nathan bransford has a few posts that apply.  go here and here and here
i bet you all have super advice to share with me, too. don't you?  leave your own suggestions below!

oh, and before you leave, below is an example of my own information dump.  then, after running it by erica and receiving writerly advice, i revised.

paragraph(s) of dumping:

               Jordyn walked in and I got stuck in the doorway. Not physically, but a mental inhibitor goes off and freezes my body on occasion, usually when I’m faced with having to walk into a room full of people.

            When I was three, my parents and I had gone to a church picnic in the parking lot of our church. The lot had been transformed with large white tents, red and blue inflatables, and hundreds of people. I’d had a red balloon in one hand and an ice cream cone in the other. Licking the ice cream fast enough to keep it from dripping onto my bare toes took so much effort that I didn’t notice the ribbon of the balloon slipping out of my fist. The last bit of ribbon slipping from my hand tickled my palm. I chased it until it had flown higher than the branches of the tree I looked up into. My mom found me, huddled up next to its trunk, sticky rivers of ice cream flowing to my armpits and ants covering my legs. I remembered it all. Adults were very tall back then and I’d stood in the forest of them, trying to find my mom’s yellow tank top. The memory remained as bleak for my parents as for me, and we credit that day as the day I became an introvert.
         Other students brushed past me and grumbled so I took one step in and stood off to the side. Many desks were empty. I breathed in through my nose and followed the lines of the floor with my eyes. I slumped into my wooden chair. Pulling my hair out of its band so it could fall over my face tempted me.
           Again, I need to get a grip.
           In all fairness, the brown haired girl and two blonde boys in the corner looked my way and snickered. I had every reason to feel self-conscious.


revised version:

                  Jordyn walked in and I got stuck in the doorway. Not physically, but a mental inhibitor goes off and freezes my body on occasion, usually when I’m faced with having to walk into a room full of people.

                 She stopped and turned around. “Coming?”
                “Uh-huh.” Only I didn’t actually move.
                “Having a crowd moment?” She’d come up next to me and whispered.
                “Uh-huh.” I whispered back.
                 Other students brushed past me and grumbled so I took one step in and stood off to the side.
                “Dawn. Look around. Half the desks are empty. Come on.” She walked in, leaving me alone.
                True, many desks sat empty. She had a valid point. I breathed in through my nose and followed the lines of the floor with my eyes. I slumped into my wooden chair. I felt tempted to pull my hair out of its band so it could fall over my face.
                 I need to get a grip.
                 In all fairness, the brown haired girl and two blonde boys in the corner looked my way and snickered. I had every reason to feel self-conscious.


notes:  even without reading it you can see the information dump was a huge block of text (otherwise known as a paragraph) but may seem daunting to a YA reader.  the revised version read much more quickly, yet got the point across.  the reason behind her fear of crowds (the incident in the church parking lot) will be better told when her future boyfriend gets to know her a little bit better (again, through dialogue).

10 comments:

  1. Great points here. I think it goes with understanding your reader is intelligent and can make intuitive leaps and/or figure out for themselves without having to spell it out.

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  2. I see Erica had you "murder" a huge section. As PK said, your revised version does get the point across and the reader is intelligent enough to understand.

    This is a good post. All writers at one point or another have "dumped" on their readers. Mine was a landfill full of unnecessary words. Talk about dumping.lol Over the past year in editing I've learned how to economize my words.

    My current WIP is so tailored, I can't seem to increase my word count at an acceptable pace. It's taking me days just to write a few thousand words, which Erica knows is shocking. She always teased me that I was a bit too wordy.lol Switching genres is a totally new experience.

    Michael

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  3. Excellent fix on the paragraph dump part! That's a great example of showing and not telling. I like to think of all we know and research as the tip of the iceberg. The reader doesn't see but a fraction of what we know.

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  4. It's so tempting to share the whole character history with the reader, isn't it? My first drafts often have a fair amount, then I cut it out and paste it into a new doc and figure out what needs to go in and I spread THAT out... some in dialog--meet someone who needs to know something--some as a single sentence here or there to explain a tic. Contrast is another nice way. In the one I just finish, I have a character and a former friend interacting: "we'd been friends in middle school, until she got boobs and I got... academic..." that's paraphrasing, but in just a sentence it gives you a clear social tract for both girls.

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  5. Pk Hrezo- Exactly. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking as a reader when I'm writing, but I think I continue to improve over time. Keeping in mind that every mundane detail will only weigh down my plot and bore my readers will help!

    Michael-I still tend to overdo details and give too many step by step actions of my characters, but I notice them all on my own now. So I'm making gains! Lately if I send something to erica I've already pinpointed the problem so it's just for a second opinion of a short excerpt. I picked this one out on my own and she verified that it was indeed a dump. :0)Congrats to you, too for coming so far in your writing!

    Thanks, Heather! That visual is very helpful!

    Hart-great advice. Love the example! This will help me out for sure.

    christy

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  6. Ah yes. The information dump. I always have to be incredibly careful of it, since I want to share so much with the reader.

    Sigh. Edits are going to suck. :-)

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  7. The old show don't tell and information dump. Love your example, it is so easy to remember everything that happens in the dialogue version.
    I write in verse so I have to choose my words carefully anyway, but even so I am still guilty of telling rather than showing sometimes. Thanks for all those links!
    Happy Christmas!

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  8. Very good point you make here. And your example is great! Really illustrates the point.

    I love Hart's example too in the comments above. Shows how one small 'tell' sentence communicates so much to the reader. Beautiful simplicity, and no need for a whole laboured paragraph.

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  9. I think this is something that happens to every beginning writer. Then you become rich and famous and a NY TIMES #1 BESTSELLER and you can write anything you want. :)

    Michael - Yes, kill the babies. It's the only way to go. (you should ask Anita sometime what I said about hers - luckily she's a really good sport!)
    erica

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  10. Ooh, I like the second one a lot! Good job! My first few pages of my WIP were so much info dump in the beginning. I shaved a bunch off, and I still may need to tweek a little. Thanks for sharing!

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