9.08.2011

I Can't Believe I Wrote That (part I)

So, the other day I (erica) opened up a short story that I wrote about a year and a half ago. I shared my gem of a first line with christy just to prove that I have indeed learned a lot in lo, these long months of editing (and researching about editing).

Here it is. Brace yourself: My house was barely silhouetted in the distance as I walked down the long road towards it.

WHOA! I know, I know, totally makes you want to read on. *ahem*

Anyway, I thought, what the heck. If I'm going to publicly disgrace myself and my writing endeavors, I may as well go all-out. Feel free to (silently) think this as you read on:



"She's a cool girl, I guess." Because every 10-year-old boy would say this to his best friend when asked if he has a crush on a girl from their baseball team.

I got ten feet from my room before I realized that my backpack filled with a notebook, a couple pens, my dad's digital camera, a flashlight, some plant leaves Ahmik gave me, and different kinds of silver (I figured it couldn't hurt) was still in my room. Also, 13-year-old boys ALWAYS think in super-long run-on sentences that detail the contents of their own backpack.

They ran ahead and I found myself walking alone, wondering just how other teenagers found it so easy to make friends. Apparently 17-year-old girls worry about "other teenagers". Geesh, erica, really?

I hated the dark the instant I saw it. Okay, this one actually makes sense in context. But it probably isn't possible. (can you see dark?)

I ran about two blocks before I realized it wasn’t better. Probably less before I really knew it, but two blocks before I realized it. (context: a girl just ran out of a store, upset with the cashier) Yes, I know. All the words are fine individually. It's just the way I put them together that makes no sense. . .

Then my eyes fluttered to a pair of blue eyes looking contentedly up to mine.  Oh my God, they're getting worse. Who writes this crap? *sigh*

I have a notebook in storage that has some short stories I wrote as a pre-teen. Oh, the horrors! I also have many faux-pas in email, FB, and forum postings, but I'm hoping they're buried and my name is generic enough that a google search will never, ever unearth them.

Those are mine. Got any good ones of your own?

11 comments:

  1. It's fun to look back and see how much we've improved!

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  2. LOL- thanks so much for sharing these. The running one especially had me scratching my head. Oh, with my first MS I was a huge fan of reflextive pronouns. Everyone was always 'finding themselves' 'found myself walking' 'found herself thinking' Even- 'found herself finding' !!!I know.

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  3. That was awesome. Thanks for your bravery. I am still sometimes guilty of having body parts do things independently. We have read plenty of that kind of prose, so it sticks in our minds. We have to work hard to get that stuff out.

    How cool that you now recognize how truly awful it was!

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  4. Ha ha ha ha! My first drafts are littered with these.

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  5. LOL! Oh I have a ton of them. Don't feel bad, we all go back over old writing and cringe. ;)

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  6. This was cute~ thanks for sharing. I've got tons of things that make your story look like Shakespeare :)

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  7. So great! Thanks so much for sharing these. They make me feel better. The other day I wrote, "I cover my hand with my mouth." Um, wrong way round maybe? This is why we all need critique partners and editors! :) And I won't even start on my pre-teen books ... they are a highly concentrated form of melodrama and there's a reason they're IN THE CLOSET FOREVER. lol.

    Amy

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  8. Oh, everything I write is pure gold.

    *SNORT*

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  9. HI, E,

    Ahem.... Ah, I don't know what to say. Ah, hmmm. Ah, nice to be back. No, Ericanator in these examples. Only one word comes to mined. It begins with an M----r. Fill in the blanks.

    As for me, well, you remember my twentieth draft of Amber? Need I say more.

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  10. Oh,

    I like the new look of your blog.

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