(almost) free critiques! (almost) free critiques!

For details on how to get your (almost) free critique, please click here to visit christy's post - and comment on her loglines while you're there (because, well, that's how you get an almost free critique).

If you're wondering what other people think about loglines, you can also visit this link to Miss Snark's First Victim blog. The link will take you to her logline critique contest from last November -it could be helpful to you to find one you like and check the comments to see if anyone else agrees (or vice versa).

btw, a couple of months ago I (erica) let everyone know I had a full out with a publisher who was accepting unagented submissions. I haven't sent out many agent queries and actually have a pretty good track record of personalized rejections and partial requests (with a couple non-responders), but wanted to try this. I got the nicest rejection letter today. It even sounded like someone at least skimmed my book - said it had "an interesting story" and they "enjoyed the concept" but that in this tight market, they had other books in line that had stronger writing.

So, yes, another edit is in my future. Tightening. Strengthening. (etc.) It's never done, huh?? Since it's still in the Amazon contest, I'll also get two Amazon Vine Reviewers (usually readers, not necessarily writers) reviews of my excerpt on March 22nd - hopefully they're helpful to the process, even if I don't move on in the contest.

It does make me hopeful, though. I've got something. Plus, it's my first full-length novel, so like everything, experience should help. I'm going to pitch this one at the conference and then try to get my WIP done so I can do heavy edits, readers, etc. over summer break and start the querying process all over again...

So, if you're still with me, thanks. Here are my loglines for your review.

Seventeen-year-old Kenz Grayson never thought she'd spend her summer in a new town, let alone dodging a group of nasty girls, nursing her mom back to health after an accident, or learning to love, lose, and love (again) exactly the right guy for her, until she does it all.


Just when Kenz Grayson thinks the summer before her senior year will be a bust, she meets the guy who might change everything - if a car accident, an abuse allegation, and a horrible case of jitters don't make her ruin everything before she gets the chance to find out.

This is my first try at loglines. Hope you can help!!!


  1. Well that is a very positive rejection. It shows you're on the right track. My last full rejection was that the pacing wasn't fast enough on a contemporary literary story. lol... sometimes we just can't win.
    But anyway, best of luck with the contest. I've got a story in too, so far. YA contemp is a really tough sell, or so agents have said. There just isn't a huge market for it and the pubber or agent has to full o fall in love with it.

    I think I like the second logline better. :)

  2. Good luck with the competition and the edits!

    I prefer logline number 2.


  3. I like #2. Let me know when it's published so I can read it :) Good luck!

  4. Oh oh oh #2!!!! It has voice and the story sounds great.

  5. I love your attitude!

    I learned the following from the Miss Snark's First Victim logline contest. Use this template to create your logline: When [MAIN CHARACTER] [INCITING INCIDENT], she [CONFLICT]. And if she doesn’t [GOAL], he will [CONSEQUENCES].

    It sounds like spending the summer somewhere new is the inciting incident, but what's her goal and what are the stakes?

    Good luck!

  6. Oops, all the pronouns should be she (or he, depending on your MC).
    And if she doesn't [GOAL}, she will [CONSEQUENCES].

  7. I'm still clueless, but I like the sound of #2 better. It's more to the point, I think.

  8. Yes, definitely #2! The first one was just a little too vague. The only thing you might try to squeeze in (yikes! It's so hard to do!) is a little of the MC's personality, I think. Though just by the way you've written it you hear a little of her voice. Great job! Off to check out the other loglines...

  9. I combined the two (and added a sentence or two) - but having not read the book, I should probably just say #2 - but here's what I came up with...

    "Kenz Grayson never thought she'd be spending her “last” summer before graduation in a new town, where instead of partying with her friends and making plans to finally leave home, she’s dodging a group of nasty girls and nursing her mom back to health. But just when it seems like her senior year will be a complete bust, she meets the guy who might change everything – so long as she doesn’t screw it up."

  10. If you like mine, bump me two spots in the rankings!

  11. I really like what Mike has suggested, but think these ideas are a great beginning for the paragraph that follows the log line. For the log line itself, what are Kenz' personal stakes? Sounds like moving to the new town is the public stakes--the thing outside herself that created the situation (plus her mom's illness). What is she facing personally? Survival? (I moved to a new town when I was seventeen--wow did it ever feel like the stakes were life and death in that adolescent world of high school!) If the first sentence read like Ms. Snark's template (Vickie Tremper's comment), and was followed by the details, that would be great.

  12. I'm so sorry about the editor rejection! I love your attitude though. My vote is on the second logline but you may want to shorten it up a bit. A lot of that can be added in later in the next paragraph. All you really have to communicate in the logline is the heart of the novel. Problem, Stakes, Solution! I wish I could take credit for those but I can't, got that from Nathan Bransford.

  13. i like that Heather...

    Very well said Heather...

    Well it looks like Mike's hex worked... the blogger widget started me over... i guess it' time for another wonder fan to be at the top.... i hand it over to mw wonderful friend Heather..... In 29 days....

    Not you Mike...lol


  14. Sucky about the rejection! They always hurt, but it sounds like you got some good feedback. I am about to start my millionth round of edits, too, so I feel you.

    For the loglines, is romance the main theme? I wasn't quite sure. I like aspects of both, maybe like this (assuming the romance is central):

    Just when Kenz Grayson thinks the summer before her senior year will be a bust, she meets the guy who might change everything - if living in a new town, dodging a group of nasty girls and nursing her mom back to health after an accident don't ruin everything before she can find out.

    I just posted my pitches on my blog today, if you have time to check them out!


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